Bitter Sweet
by Quoth
Summary: 'The worst way of missing someone is to be sitting right next to them knowing you can't have them'. Hermione is in love with Ginny. Ginny is in love with Hermione. Pity neither knows it
1. Drowning Potatoes

Bitter-Sweet

Disclaimer: I own nothing but this computer and the clothes on my back. My premiere Hermione/Ginny fic. 'A real artist creates beautiful things and puts nothing of his own life into them'. Kinda forgot about that. Hence a vaguely true story. The lyrics are from Bittersweet Symphony by the wonderful The Verve:

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life  
Try to make ends meet  
You're a slave to money then you die  
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down  
You know the one that takes you to the places   
where all the veins meet yeah,   
  
No change, I can change  
I can change, I can change  
But I'm here in my mold  
I am here in my mold  
But I'm a million different people   
from one day to the next  
I can't change my mold  
No, no, no, no, no  
  
Well I never pray  
But tonight I'm on my knees yeah  
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah  
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now  
But the airways are clean and there's nobody singing to me now  
  
No change, I can change  
I can change, I can change  
But I'm here in my mold  
I am here in my mold  
And I'm a million different people  
from one day to the next  
I can't change my mold  
No, no, no, no, no  
I can't change  
I can't change  
  
'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life  
Try to make ends meet  
Try to find some money then you die  
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down  
You know the one that takes you to the places   
where all the things meet yeah   
  
You know I can change, I can change  
I can change, I can change  
But I'm here in my mold  
I am here in my mold  
And I'm a million different people  
from one day to the next  
I can't change my mold  
No, no, no, no, no  
  
I can't change my mold  
no, no, no, no, no,  
I can't change  
Can't change my body,  
no, no, no  
  


Hermione Granger stood in front on the mirror and sighed. Her short brown hair, now copper in the evening sunshine that shone through the tower window, curled down over her shoulders: shoulders stooped from too many years of carrying huge dusty volumes all over the castle with her. Big brown eyes, thin eyebrows curving over them like fingers stretching out to each other over the desert of her forehead. Her thin, face, acne covered and pale. With a sigh Hermione turned away and ran downstairs to supper.

'Where've you been?' Said Harry as soon as she slid onto the end of the Gryffindor bench. 

'Nowhere' She replied, and proceeded to pile her plate high with potatoes and drown them in gravy, studiously ignoring the red-haired sixth year tucking into a plate of roast chicken next to her brother.

Harry shot a sceptical glance at Ron, before they both burst out laughing.

'What?'

            'Nothing. Nothing at all.' Harry said, before promptly falling off the bench in his amusement.

            'Oh for Merlin's sake! Stop being so childish'

            Harry and Ron had disappeared under the table and were whispering loudly. Hermione couldn't hear what they were saying. She was too busy trying to avoid the irresistible urge to kiss that little curl of flame that was gently caressing the forehead of the girl sitting opposite. She coughed and stared at her soggy potatoes. 

            Dammit. Thought Ginny. Why why why. Why can't I fancy Justin or Seamus or even bloody Harry? Why don't I want to hold them and kiss them? Why does it have to be her? She allowed herself a tiny glance over the table. She was so beautiful. Others didn't think so. Some even called her names, 'crater face' and 'mountain troll' because of her acne. But Ginny somehow never noticed it. Hermione's soul shone through in everything she did and that somehow made her as beautiful as the angels. Hermione looked up and Ginny blushed crimson. 

            Was she just looking at me? Or was she just thinking how disgusting my skin is. Probably that. Probably saying to herself 'She needs to get help…'

            I need to get help. I don't know how much longer I can bear this. It's like a constant gnawing. I can't stand it. Maybe I should tell her? Oh bloody hell. How many times have I had this conversation with myself? I tell her, I tell her not. What's the worst that can happen? I ask myself. Then I think of what it would be like to have those beautiful chestnut coloured eyes look at me with disgust. No. I can't.

            Maybe I should tell her? After all what's the worst that can happen? You could lose her friendship that's what, Hermione. And friendship's better than nothing, isn't it? I can't.

            Harry and Ron crawled out from under the table at last, both grinning from ear to ear.  They beamed at the two girls before running off up the stairs. Ginny looked nervously at Hermione. They were the only ones left at the table now. She had to say something.

            'Have you got much homework tonight?'

            'Yeah. NEWTS are coming up.'

            'Oh. Of course'

            Silence

            'Have you finished?'

            'Yeah'

            Hermione and Ginny stood up and their plates vanished. They proceeded up the stairs together. They used to link arms like other girls did. But soon the contact became too dangerous. Both knew that only the slightest thing could trigger emotions that should only ever be hid in the depths of their heart. Neither knew how far she could control herself. They walked pretty speedily up the stairs to the girls' dormitories.

            Harry and Ron were sitting beside the fire, heads together, black and red. Hermione and Ginny glanced at each other before hurrying up the stairs. Hermione drew the drapes around her bed and undressed quickly. Her black Hogwarts robes were tossed carelessly on the bed and lay in a heap like a squished bat. She grabbed a pair of black jeans and a Curt Wild T-shirt from her drawer. Harry's godfathers' had introduced her to Wild when she stayed at their house last summer. Remus and Sirius would leap around the living room, singing at the tops of their voices whilst Harry, Hermione and Ron looked on in amusement. Even in the wizarding world, watching a homosexual werewolf and gay ex-convict dancing to glam rock was not something that one often had a chance to do. 

            Hermione sighed as she tied a leather lace around her long thin neck, dividing the pale flesh with a band of jet black. It had been a great summer, but all through it she'd never been able to think of anything but Ginny. The girls had never seen each other. Hermione had stayed at the Burrow, but Ginny had been away at Quidditch camp with Harry so they missed each other by about a week. It had still been fun with Ron though, apart from his incessant ranting about Lavender. He'd fancied her since fifth year but never had the courage to ask her out. 

'I know just how he feels', thought Hermione as she pulled a brush through her unruly hair. 

            She wished every day that she was brave enough to tell Ginny how she felt, but it had never been granted. At least she knew Ginny was fine with gays. She got on great with Remus and Sirius, so did Hermione. Sirius was the only one she'd ever told about Ginny. She still couldn't quite figure out how she'd mangaged it. She let her mind drift back two months…


	2. Last Summer

_Disclaimer: Bah. Ich owne nothing._

It was high summer. Burning sunlight streamed through the window of 8 Godric's Hollow, glinting off Sirius's glittery T-shirt as he sat opposite Hermione. 

            'Check' Hermione's pawn looked nervously up at her as Sirius's knight bore down on him.

            'Ouch, that's gotta hurt' winced Sirius as the knight swung his sword and sliced through the pawn's head. 

            Hermione's forehead furrowed as she looked down at the board. Despite being very clever, she'd never really managed to get the hang of Wizard's chess. She didn't like the way her pieces argued with her all the time. Hermione Granger wasn't used to people telling her what to do.

            'Don't move me there you fool, look at his bishop!'

            'No, no, no! You need me, I'm the most important piece.'

            'Pathetic, do you actually know what Chess is?'

            Hermione flicked the disobedient queen across the room. She landed in a jug of orange juice on the sideboard.

            Sirius raised an eyebrow. 'Are you all right Hermione? You're looking rather, well not to put too fine a point on it, crap.'

            'Thanks' replied Hermione sarcastically. 'Actually I'm on top of the world, everything's zip-ii-dee–do-dah, perfect! I'm as happy as Mr Happy from Jolly-land after too many smiley pills…' Her voice became choked as Hermione descended into sobs. Sirius hurried round to the other side of the table and put his tattooed arm around her. 'Ssh. There, there hun, it's alright.' He rocked her back and forth as sobs racked Hermione's body. She buried her head in his stomach, trying to stifle her sobs. 'Hey steady on, you wouldn't want Remus getting jealous would you?' grinned Sirius. Hermione managed a watery smile. 

            'How about you go into the lounge, I'll get us both a cup of tea and we can have a talk, how's that?'

            Hermione nodded, and thanked the gods that Harry and Ron were out broom shopping with Remus.

            Curled up on the velvet red sofa in the godfathers' lounge, Hermione felt a lot better. She gazed around the room. The walls were covered in pictures of Curt Wild, Brian Slade and Pete Burns. She looked over at the photos on the coffee table. Sirius with Remus on their wedding day, laughing and smiling, arms wrapt firmly around each other. Harry's parents, running around the front lawn on Hogwarts, Lily shrieking as James caught her and started tickling her. Sirius and Remus again, Harry standing between them. They were so happy. They both had someone who they loved and whom they knew loved them. What more could anyone want? Hermione was about to burst into tears when Sirius came in, his fingers, thumbs and elbows doing very strange things with teacups, spoons, saucers, cake, biscuits and three sticks of eyeliner. 

            They sat in silence for a while, each quietly sipping their tea. The grandfather clock ticked slowly and quietly. Rain began pattering gently against the windows, trickling down in countless little rivers. Sirius sat and waited until Hermione was ready to talk. He pushed a whole slice of chocolate cake into his mouth and looked at the cracked ceiling. Suddenly Hermione spoke,

            'Sirius?'

            Sirius, looked straight at her, 'Yes?'

            'I..er… I'm sorry about crying all over your shirt.'

            'That's alright. Look Hermione, what is it. I hate seeing you upset like this. Harry's noticed it too, you've been so distant and quiet lately.'

            'Harry's noticed?'

            'Of course he has, he and Ron are you're best friends?'

            Hermione felt ill. If Harry and Ron had noticed, then Ginny probably had to. What if everyone knew and was just laughing at her behind her back?

            'Hermione?'

            'Ithinkiminlovewithginny'

            'What?' Said Sirius, wide-eyed. Hermione took a deep breath and repeated it. Slowly.

            'I think I'm in love with Ginny.'

            Sirius looked as if he'd just been hit by a bludger. 'Well, that's…unexpected. I had no idea you felt that way about girls.'

            'I don't. Well, I mean, I do, but. What I mean is that its only Ginny. I still think Harry's good-looking, and Oliver and people like that. And I don't fancy Parvati or Lavender or anything. It's just Ginny. Whenever I see her I feel hot and cold at the same time, and my stomach starts doing somersaults. I can't stop thinking about her. She's in my head all the time, even when I sleep she's there in my dreams, a constant presence. It's like being haunted. I hate being with her because it hurts so much sitting right next to her knowing I can't have her. But I hate being away from her her because it's like a part of me is missing. I know its clichéd. She just makes me feel so alive; until I met her it was as if I'd never known myself. Now I just know myself too well, but I can't stop.' A solitary tear ran down Hermione's cheek. 

            Sirius said nothing for a few minutes before taking a deep breath. 'You have to tell her, Hermione'. She made to interrupt him, but he held up a hand and repeated his words, 'You have to tell her. I know how you feel. That's how it was with me and Remus. I fell in love with him in our fifth year, but it wasn't till we left Hogwarts till I finally told him.'

            'But you still got together and were friends for all that time.' Hermione protested.

            'Yes, but think of all that time, wasted. When I told him, he said he'd felt the same way for years but had never been brave enough to tell me. We were both lusting after one another and yet neither of us had the guts to say. I was terrified, like you, that he wouldn't feel the same way.'

            'But I know Ginny doesn't feel the same way!'

            'How?' Frowned Sirius

            'Well, she went out with Justin at the beginning of the year.'

            'You went out with Viktor.'

            'Yes, well. That was different.'

            'No it wasn't. True, Ginny might not feel the same way, but then again she might be having exactly the same conversation with someone else that you're having with me at the moment. Believe me Hermione, if you don't tell her you'll spend the rest of your life regretting it. 

            Hermione nodded her head and a fresh wave of tears streamed down her face. She was still in tears when the Remus returned with Harry and Ron. Sirius had had to do some very quick thinking to explain them away. 


	3. Confession

_Disclaimer: I'm bored with these now. I. Own. Nothing._

Hermione smiled at the memory. Sirius was like a second father, both he and Remus had been so kind to her. She loved them like her own parents. Hermione glanced at her watch, it was nearly nine, she'd been sitting there reminiscing for over half an hour. Upbraiding herself for the waste of time she drew back the drapes and trotted down the stairs. 

            The common room was full of Gryffindors. The twins were giving a demonstration of their newest product, Crazy Carrots. There was a shriek of laughter as with a pop Lee Jordan turned into a fluffy white bunny. Hermione shook her head and looked over to where Ron and Harry were beckoning her over.

            'Hey Hermione! Come and look at this!'

            Ron and Harry were playing gobstones and as Hermione sat down a particularly vicious looking stone had squirted green slime all over Ron's ruddy hair. 'Not as fiery as Ginny's.' The thought jumped into Hermione's head before she had a chance to think about it, and she quickly shook it away.

            While Hermione gazed into space, Ron and Harry were winking and gesturing to each other wildly. Their eyes fixed on the portrait hole.

            'What are you two doing' Asked Hermione, one eyebrow raised.

            'Nothing' they replied in unison, looking awfully guilty. Just then the portrait hole swung open and Ginny ran through, straight up the stairs, her arms full of books. 

            Ron whispered something to Harry that sounded suspiciously like 'Operation Cupid' and promptly pointed his three gobstones at Hermione, covering her with purple, red and yellow slime. She shrieked and jumped up.

            'Ron! What the hell do you think you're doing?'

            'I'm so sorry!' Said Ron, not sounding very sorry at all.

            'Oh Hermione, come on we'll take you upstairs and get you cleaned up' Said Harry.

            'Oh no you won't!' Replied Hermione as she scuttled towards the stairs. 'Cretins' She muttered. The other Gryffindors grinned in puzzlement as Harry and Ron ran up after her. They opened the door to the girl's dormitory, Hermione was standing there frozen staring at a half-naked Ginny. She spun round as Harry and Ron peered round the door.

            'Well, well, well.' Said Ron, 'What's going on here then?'

            Harry slammed the door just in time to stop Hermione ripping Ron's throat out.

            'That was close' Panted Ron.

            'Let's just hope they come to their senses sooner rather than later' said Harry as he turned the key in the lock.

            Hermione stood facing the door, only too aware that Ginny was standing right behind her. She took a deep breath, and turned around. Ginny was still standing there, dressed in nothing but her bra and knickers. The black material contrasted with the paleness of her skin and her flame hair made her look like a creature from another world. The sound of Parvati's owl rattling in its cage at the end of the room shook them both from their frozen state. Ginny quickly grabbed an old cotton T-shirt and pulled it over her head. Hermione, silent went over to her bed and began to undress also. She pulled on her favourite silky blue nightdress; it had been a 16th birthday present from her parents. 'It brings out the colour in your eyes'. Her mum had said. Hermione smoothed the fabric down over her hips. 

            She suddenly felt a light tap on her shoulder. 

            'Hermione?'

            She turned and was face-to-face with Ginny Weasley. Their noses were practically touching. Hermione winced inwardly. Every part of her face was susceptible to close scrutiny. Ginny was looking at her questioningly.

            'What's going on?'

            Hermione managed a laugh.

            'I have no idea, Ron squirted gobstone juice all over my shirt and when I ran upstairs to change he and Harry followed me. Is the door locked?'

            Ginny nodded.

            'I have no idea what they're up to'

            'They said 'Stay in there till you come to your senses. Do you have know what that means?'

            Hermione's lips formed the shape of a 'No'. But then stopped. Everything happened for a reason. Maybe she was meant to tell Ginny. Maybe she was meant to tell her now. Maybe that's why she was here. Maybe that was why she'd left supper so late, maybe this whole evening was leading up to this moment. She looked right at Ginny, into those beautiful chocolate brown eyes. 

            'Ginny' she began. 'There's something I ought to tell you.'

            Ginny looked down at the floor. 'There's something I ought to tell you to.'

            'You first then'

            'No, its alright. You go'

            Ginny perched herself on the end of her bed, and Hermione curled up crossed legged on her own. She opened her mouth, then closed it again. She couldn't do it. How many times had she rehearsed this conversation in her mind? Yet now when it came to it, she just didn't have the words. Ginny just looked at her, with a look half puzzlement, half fear.

Oh God, she's going to tell me she loves Harry. Or worse Ron. I don't think I can bear it. How will I manage to stay calm. What if my mouth just refuses to stay shut and I come bursting out with it. I love you.

I can't do it. She'll hate me. But I have to. I must remember what Sirius said. Just three little words. Eight letters. Just part of the alphabet arranged in a particular order. I love you. 

I love you

I love you

I love you

'I love you'. Hermione almost shouted the words, and then clapped her hands to her mouth as if trying to unspeak them. Ginny gasped, not daring to believe it. 

'What did you say?'

            'I said, I…' Hermione forced the words out again. 'I love you'.

            Ginny just stared at her. She had to be dreaming. This couldn't be Hermione saying those beautiful words. It couldn't be. But it was. Ginny stood up, her T-shirt riding up over her creamy thigh as she slid off the bed and walked over. She knelt next to Hermione on the bed. There were tears in the elder girl's eyes. Ginny looked deep into them, searching for any sign of a joke, teasing. But she found only truth. She cupped Hermione's cheek in one hand. Hermione breathed in quickly. 

            'I love you too'. As the tears escaped from Hermione's eyes and fled down her cheeks, Ginny bent her head and touched her mouth to Hermione's own. She tasted the bitter lemon lip-gloss on Hermione's silky lips. Energy seared through Hermione like a hot knife as she returned the kiss, passionate and yet gentle at the same time. Neither had known such happiness as they know found in the others arms. It was perfection, completion. And their symphony was so sweet they thought their hearts would break. 

_Tres fluffy I know, but what's wrong with romance? There's enough death and woe on the earth as it is. 'What the world needs now, is love, sweet love._

_Quoth_


End file.
